Tuesday, October 12, 2010

"If the horse is dead, than you gotta leave it alone."

I have booted Brendan off this post a) because he had a "creative writing emergency" and b) because there's a lot of douchtastic fuckery by men in this episode and why let B-Rad have all the fun?

So... Les Boys.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. Why do you cause so much pain in the house to the girl who clearly has no back-bone? I know I've mentioned this before, but seriously. Take every fight you'd ever had with a significant other, multiply it by all the trashiness you can think of, and then divide that by total idiocy, and you've got an argument between Ron and Sam. Sammi only feeds Ronnie's neglected-attention-seeking-man-child status by running to check on him after he tells her "I hate you so much because I love you.You realize that?" While this episode does offer glimpses of the sad child that failed his tests in grade school, he eats dinner with his shirt off. 

Vinny is a tricky one this episode. While he was awesome and yelled "I am Caesar!" at the club he also said: "Do we have a butterface flavor?" he asks after a less-than-gorgeous girl leaves the Gelato shop. At least he didn't say it to her (butter)face.


Mike and Pauly just looked on in vague disgust at Ronnie's antics, so that's got to count for something, right? Maybe it's life in M.I.A but my faith in men is dwindling.

The ladies on the other hand were far more proactive. Snooki channeled her rage into breaking plates and kicking Emilio to the curb after he drunk dials her to inform her that he "fucked some girl". He then calls back to tell her it was a joke. Hiiiiiiiillllllllllllllarious Emilio. My love for JWOWW grew deeper as she replied to Emilio over the phone "We have about twenty fucking beautiful six-foot-four guys outside our doors. While you’re fucking the nasty bitches out there, I’m sure Nicole’s going to get it in down here ... At the end of the day, you’re just a loser as it is, and you're a drunk skank with no job, so get it through you fucking head, all right?" I. Love. Her. You should be able to hire her to tell people off in your own life. I really believe she's that good. I am unfortunately taking points away from them because instead of simply telling Sammi that Ronnie is a drunk skank they write an anonymous letter at a cyber cafe:

Sam,
The first night at Bed when you left crying, Ron made out with 2 girls and put his head inbetween a cocktail waitresses breasts. Boing. Also he was grinding with multiple fat women.
When you left crying at Klutch, Ron was holding hands and dancing with a female and took down her number.
Multiple people in the house know, therefore you should know the truth.

"We say tits, not breasts, so she probably won’t know it’s us," according to Snooki.

Oh my loves,  have you seen Sammi's vacant stare? You're assuming she can read! And while she won't put the dots together it's so much better to tell her to her face. All Angelina did in this one is look sneaky as fuck in this episode so my guess is she'll spill the beans or pit people against each other. It's in the Slut Shark's nature.

Alex's Rating: 3 Butterfaces out of 10
Brendan's Rating: 10 absentee writers out of 10

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