Friday, October 8, 2010

"Part of me loves you so much it's sickening"

Yes, Vinny. That title's for you. Why do I love you so much? Becuase you don't support no scrubs, you rush to help in every situation, your family features prominently on the show, and you say "that was awesome" at the sight of "boobies." I'm sorry I spelt your name wrong earlier. "I love you. I want to marry you. I think about you all the time." Truer words were never slurred.

Sam and Ronnie -- a romance for the ages. Personally, Ron Ron, I'd rather fuck a bucket of hair gel. There'd be less of a rash in the morning. But you, you dear sir, you take it to the next level. In a strange metaphor for their relationship, Ron Ron gets a tattoo becuase he wants to feel pain to express how he feels (Trent Reznor, take note). He ends up with a really fugly tat of a nun's hands busting through his skin, clutching the rosary, and praying for a third season. Fittingly, Sammi is there, whispering sweet nothings (e.g. "Even if we hate each other, I'll still be there" as that rash on your taint). Taint Rash Sammi. The sad scenes between these two felt like, to quote Alex, "an Eminem video." 3-way kissing! I tried that once in highschool. It ended in tears and an increase on my next orthodontics visit. We hate both of these hurtbags and want them to get eaten by a slut shark from M.I.A.

Side note: What kind of a swear word, with six asterix-do-hickeys, starts with an "M?" Molest-ar?

Side side note: they are living in a place called the Metropole. It sounds like Alex's pet name for my penis. Not that she has a pet name for my penis.

Jwoww is stepping up her agression with that shit show Angelina.... like, personality, like disorder, and like stuff. Like. I hate this biddy. Like, a lot. And, like, she totes limp wrist slapped Pauly D. After saying "I love you. I want to marry you. I think about you everyday." And then snotting on herself. She's pretty much every random creepers worst nightmare. Who turns around after making out and says she wants to have your abortion? After Pauly D was busted dancing with a married girl, Alex said, sadly and mostly to herself, "I think I stopped believing in romance." Then she started slapping me and asking why I never bring her flowers anymore.

The others were there, also.

Alex's rating: 5 Jwoww's best friend J420 out of 10
Brendan rating: 9 cigarettes in the hot tub out of 10

I think this means me and Alex are looking for different things in life.

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